TRANSCRIPT
♪♪ -♪ If you're blue and you don't know where to go to ♪ ♪ Why don't you go where fashion sits?
♪ -Next on "Great Performances"... -♪ Puttin' on the Ritz ♪ -...inspired by the iconic 1935 film starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, this London stage production captures the Art Deco style of the era.
-I can feel an attack coming on.
-So I see.
-There's only one thing that can stop me.
-Oh, you must tell me what it is.
-What happens when a Broadway star crosses paths with a high-society beauty in London?
Nonstop comedy, romance and dance, all set to a sparkling score of those classic Berlin hits.
-♪ We're out together dancing cheek to cheek ♪ -Directed and choreographed by Tony winner Kathleen Marshall, "Top Hat" is a showstopping celebration of musical theater at its best.
-♪ Putting down my top hat, dancing in my tails ♪ -Irving Berlin's "Top Hat" starts now.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ Major funding for "Great Performances" is provided by... ...and by contributions to your PBS station from viewers like you.
Thank you.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -And now, in his very last performance at the Music Box Theatre, New York City, Mr.
Jerry Travers.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ Have you seen the well-to-do ♪ ♪ Up and down Park Avenue?
♪ ♪ On that famous thoroughfare ♪ ♪ With their noses in the air ♪ ♪ High hats and Arrow collars ♪ ♪ White spats and lots of dollars ♪ ♪ Spending every dime for a wonderful time ♪ -♪ If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to ♪ ♪ Why don't you go where fashion sits?
♪ -♪ Puttin' on the Ritz ♪ ♪♪ -♪ Different types who wear a day coat ♪ ♪ Pants with stripes and cutaway coat ♪ -♪ Perfect fits ♪ -♪ Puttin' on the Ritz ♪ ♪♪ -♪ Dressed up like a million-dollar trouper ♪ ♪ Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper ♪ -♪ Super-duper ♪ ♪ Come, let's mix where Rockefellers ♪ ♪ Walk with sticks or umbrellas in their mitts ♪ ♪ Puttin' on the Ritz ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Alright.
Alright, everyone, listen up.
Great show tonight.
-Thanks, Ralph.
-Tomorrow we leave for England.
Meet me at pier 92 tomorrow morning, 8 a.m.
sharp.
And it's anchors away.
Alright, come on, hurry up!
Move!
-Maurice, where's Jerry?
We need a last picture.
-Well, I'm his manager, not his mother.
-Is it true he's leaving tonight?
-Oh, he'll be out in a moment.
And just for the record, Mr.
Travers leaves early tomorrow on the Queen Mary.
This time next week, he'll be starring in a new revue at the Prince's Theatre, London.
Oh, here he is now, huh?
-Oh, Jerry, over here.
-Mr.
Travers, anything we should tell our readers?
Like when they're gonna see you again?
-Don't you worry, folks.
I'll be back.
Maurice, we'll be at Sardi's if you want to join us for supper.
-Caviar.
-And champagne.
-And this time, bring your checkbook.
-One more for luck, Mr.
Travers.
I'll send you a postcard from across the pond.
-Hey, Maurice.
-Yes, Ralph?
-We gotta close the theater.
-Oh.
Alright, alright, that's all for now.
As soon as the show opens in London, I'll have some pictures sent over.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I got a hungry star to feed.
Good night.
♪♪ ♪♪ [ Laughter ] -[ Whispering ] Sorry.
-Ah!
Good evening, Wallace.
-Welcome back to the Thackeray Club, sir.
Always a pleasure to see you, Mr.
Hardwick.
-Thank you.
Has Mr.
Jerry Travers come in yet?
-Yes.
He's been waiting for you for quite some time, sir.
-Oh, dear, dear, dear.
Thank you.
-Begging your pardon, Mr.
Hardwick, but is that the Jerry Travers?
The celebrated American performer, sir?
-It is indeed.
He's come over to star in my show.
It's his first London appearance.
-Your show, sir?
-Well, I'm producing it.
Yes, I brought him over from New York at great personal expense.
But, uh, I really don't want any of the members here to know.
I'm taking a party of them to the opening tomorrow night.
But it's a surprise.
Oh, they'll be bowled over when they discover that I'm the man behind the whole shebang.
You won't say a word, will you?
-Very good sir.
My lips are sealed.
-Good man, good man.
Ah, here we go.
[ Laughter ] [ Whispering ] Hello, Jerry.
Look, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
-[ Whispering ] It's alright.
-How was the journey?
-Long.
-Well, I'm glad you've got here safely.
Welcome to London.
-Oh!
It's great to be here.
I'm so excited about the show!
-Shh, shh!
Look, look, we can't talk here.
You better follow me.
Come on, come on.
-Gentlemen, I can only apologize.
I really am very sorry.
-Oh, I'm excited about the show too, Jerry.
You are going to be sensational.
Well, you better be.
I have an expensive wife to support.
-How is Madge?
-Oh, she's fine, thank you, Jerry.
Yes.
Her trip to Venice has been a great success.
-Oh, too bad she won't be here for opening night.
-Well, you know Madge.
Opening nights make her terribly jumpy, and the only thing that calms her down is spending my money, which makes me terribly jumpy.
Taxi!
-You worry too much, Horace.
You always did.
-Well, you'd worry too, if you had my luck.
Last week, I went to a funeral.
Caught the bouquet.
[ Laughter ] -Nonsense.
You're not unlucky, Horace.
-Oh, I am, Jerry, I am.
This morning when I was getting dressed, I put on my shirt and the button fell off.
I put on my shoe and the buckle came off.
I picked up my briefcase and the handle dropped off.
Now I'm too nervous to go to the bathroom.
-Yes, yes, I get the picture.
Horace, you got everything going for you.
You're sophisticated, intelligent, wealthy, and, my friend, you're about to have a hit show.
-Jerry, you're right.
And to celebrate in advance, the very least I can do is take you to dinner.
Now, there's a fantastic restaurant at the hotel.
Come on.
Taxi!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Well, here we are, Jerry.
Now, your rooms are down the hall.
What can I offer you to drink?
-Uh, well, maybe just one.
I should really get some sleep.
Big day tomorrow.
-Oh, yes.
Bates?
Bates?
Oh, where on earth is he hiding?
-Who?
-My man Bates.
We're not speaking to one another.
Well, we've had a bit of a tiff.
You see, Bates will insist that a square bow tie is the only possible bow tie that can be worn with evening clothes.
I mean, imagine square as opposed to butterfly.
-Well, I think Bates is right.
-Bates is never right.
-Then why don't you fire him?
-Well, that's a little difficult, you see.
Madge would never forgive me.
-Let's hope he approves of me.
-There's no telling with Bates.
-[ English accent ] Good evening, sir.
-Good evening.
-Allow us to introduce ourselves, sir.
We are Bates.
-And we are Jerry Travers.
-Welcome to our menage.
-Thank you, Bates.
-Beg pardon, sir, but may we make a personal observation, sir?
-Well, not too personal.
-Oh, no.
No, sir.
No, no.
We simply feel impelled to compliment you, sir, on your excellent taste in ties.
-They like me.
-You never know with Bates.
-As Great Aunt Maud so often reminded us, sir, there are none so deaf as those who will not hear.
[ Laughter ] -Where on earth did you find him?
-Oh, he was Madge's idea.
A sort of a wedding gift, so to speak.
-Well, it's a little ostentatious, perhaps, but I've got used to having him about, and he's a bit of company for me when Madge is away.
-Ah!
Oh, come on, Horace, you've never been short of company.
Or has the leopard finally changed his spots?
-Well, now you come to mention it, Jerry, I am in a spot of bother.
Shh, shh.
Ah!
-That which cannot be cured must be endured.
Great Uncle Cecil, sir.
-That'll be all.
Thank you, Bates.
[ Laughter ] Now, Madge has left strict instructions for us to fly down to Italy tomorrow night after tomorrow night's performance.
[ Laughs ] I mean, she is hopeless where money is concerned.
She has no idea how much a private plane will cost me to hire.
Last year, she had her checkbook stolen.
But I decided not to report it.
-Why ever not?
-Well, it turned out the thief was spending far less than Madge.
-[ Laughs ] Uh, look, Horace, I can't fly down to Italy.
I have a performance on Monday night.
-Oh, no.
My word.
Jerry, no, no, no, we've got to go.
She's counting on us.
You see, she's going to have a young friend visit her.
And I suspect there's something in the air.
Well, you know Madge and her penchant for matchmaking.
-[ Chuckles ] Is she expecting me for a weekend or a wedding?
-Well, the former.
I think.
As for the latter, actually [chuckles] it's our wedding anniversary on Sunday.
Five glorious years.
[ Chuckles ] Oh, there'll be hell to pay if we don't make it over, Jerry.
Well, you know how wives are.
-No, I don't.
How are they?
-What, wives?
Well, let's just say a man is incomplete until he's married.
After that, he's finished.
-Ha!
No, thanks, Horace.
I'm just getting started.
My philosophy is simple.
♪ I wake up every morning with a smile on my face ♪ ♪ Everything in its place as it should be ♪ -Thank you, Jerry.
-Uh-huh.
-♪ I start out every morning just as free as the breeze ♪ ♪ My cares upon the shelf ♪ ♪ Because I find myself with no strings and no connections ♪ ♪ No ties to my affections ♪ ♪ I'm fancy free and free for anything fancy ♪ ♪ No dates that can't be broken ♪ ♪ No words that can't be spoken ♪ ♪ Especially when I am feeling romance-y ♪ -Thank you.
-♪ Like a robin upon a tree ♪ ♪ Like a sailor that goes to sea ♪ ♪ Like an unwritten melody, I'm free ♪ ♪ That's me ♪ ♪ So bring on the big attraction ♪ ♪ My decks are cleared for action ♪ ♪ I'm fancy free and free for anything fancy ♪ ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Thank you.
No, no, no, no, Jerry, try not to -- I have to pay for any breakages.
Yes, Jerry, thank you.
-Oh!
♪♪ Come on!
-Thank you, Jerry.
-Hey!
-Oh, no, no, no!
♪♪ Here we go.
Let's have a look.
Go for it, Jerry.
[ Laughs ] -Hey!
♪♪ -No, not the bed, Jerry!
That's a very expensive bed, Jerry!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Hello, this is Dale Tremont, room 304.
Yeah.
I'd like to speak to the hotel manager immediately.
[ Loud tapping ] ♪♪ [ Telephone rings ] -Oh, better get that.
-Hello?
Yes.
Who?
Oh.
The manager.
Yes, yes.
There's a -- What?
At this time of night?
Oh, no.
She can't come up here now.
No, no, no.
Look, I-I better come down to see her myself.
There's a young girl downstairs.
Says she wants to see me.
-[ Laughs ] -No, no, no, nothing like that.
♪♪ ♪♪ -You make a lovely couple.
[ Laughter ] -Thank you.
-She's stylish.
-Sophisticated.
-Oh!
Slim.
Does she have a name?
-Uh... Hattie.
Why don't you sit down?
I'm awfully glad you dropped in.
-I dropped up from the room below where I've been trying to get some sleep.
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize I was disturbing you.
You see, every once in a while, I suddenly find myself dancing.
-I suppose it's some kind of affliction.
-Yes.
And my doctors call it "tapititus."
-Oh, how very impressive.
Is there no beginning to your talents?
[ Laughter ] -I think you are very unkind to make fun of me.
Especially at this time of night.
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
Next time, I'll book an appointment.
I take it the dance class is finished?
-Yes.
She's exhausted.
Poor thing.
Wait, miss.
I wish you wouldn't leave.
-Why not?
-Oh!
I can feel an attack coming on.
-So I see.
-There's only one thing that can stop me.
-Oh, well, you must tell me what it is.
-Oh, my nurses always put their arms around me.
-Well, I'll call the hotel manager.
I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige.
-Wait, miss.
Uh, you didn't say good night.
-No, I didn't.
[ Slow music plays ] -Ha!
Oh!
Sorry.
Sorry.
Uh, yes.
[ Chuckles ] See about that.
-Jerry, what are you doing?
-Who was the young lady?
-Oh, that call wasn't for me.
That was for you.
Someone has registered a complaint.
-I've just seen the complainant, and she's a knockout.
-She is?
-Yes.
And she wants to sleep.
-She does?
-Uh-huh.
And I want to help her.
-You do?
Uh, so what's the idea?
-I've just appointed myself her official sandman.
-Jerry, you have an opening tomorrow night.
Shouldn't you try and get some sleep?
-Shh.
-Very well.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Applause ] [ Up-tempo music plays ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ One little journey and here you are ♪ ♪ A hotel in Belgravia ♪ ♪ My God, I'd kill for caviar and champagne ♪ ♪ Highly rated yet understated ♪ ♪ Elegant and exquisite ♪ ♪ Tasteful, suitably situated ♪ ♪ Perfect for every visit ♪ ♪ Simply sublime, what a smart hotel ♪ ♪ And one which suits us very well ♪ ♪ The perfect setting ♪ ♪ Not forgetting the service ♪ ♪ The service ♪ ♪ What service ♪ -Good morning, sir.
-Signorina, buongiorno.
And how today is the prettiest flower in the shop?
-Oh, Mr.
Beddini.
Now, what can I do for you this morning, sir?
The usual summer bouquet or something a touch more exotic?
-Why, exotic, I think, something flagrant and romantic.
-Certainly, sir.
And shall I have that sent up to Miss Tremont's suite as usual, sir?
-No, no, no, no, no.
I will pick it up later.
Grazie, signorina.
-[ Gasps ] Oh, and how was the Cavendish Ball last night, sir?
-Magnifico.
The name on the top of everybody's lips was the great fashion designer... Alberto Beddini.
Miss Tremont was the belle of the ballroom.
A shimmering vision of loveliness in my latest creation.
A crimson taffeta gown trimmed with the finest antique lace.
She was -- How you say it?
Ah!
The bee's knees.
-Will that be all, sir?
-Si, signorina.
Grazie mille.
[ Telephone rings ] -Hotel Excelsior.
-Can I help you, sir?
Would you like to place an order with Excelsior Flowers?
-I'll take the whole lot.
Send them all to room 304, please.
-But you'll empty my entire shop, sir.
-Well, you'd better tell them to plant some more for tomorrow.
-Are they all to go to room 304, sir?
-That's right.
Every single stem.
-Huh.
-From your [chuckles] afflicted admirer.
Say, who's that for?
-Oh, that's for the new riding stables over at Hyde Park.
Splendid.
Isn't it?
-Yeah.
Send that up, too.
-But, sir, a horseshoe?
-Why not?
A lucky combination for a woman.
Flowers and shoes.
-What's the number of your room, sir?
-Just charge it to Horace Hardwick, room 404.
-Certainly, sir.
And the best of British for tonight, sir.
-Thank you.
-Well, I wonder what Mr.
Beddini is going to say about this.
He provides Miss Tremont with all the niceties, including her clothes.
-Oh, I know.
He's very, uh, continental.
[ Bell rings ] -Excuse me.
Have you spoken to Mr.
Beddini?
We're leaving for Venice tonight.
-Yes, Miss Tremont.
He's ordered your luggage to be picked up at 7:00.
-Thank you.
[ Telephone rings ] -Hotel Excelsior.
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
-I do hope you slept well last night.
-I slept well enough, but not long enough.
-I'm sorry.
I'm afraid it was rather thoughtless.
Perhaps you'll let me make amends.
-That's quite alright.
-Could I drive you to the stables?
-Oh, no.
Thank you.
I have a hansom cab waiting for me outside.
-Well, you wouldn't want an ugly one, would you?
-Look, if you'll excuse me, I have some important matters to attend to.
-Wait, miss.
You never told me your name.
-No, I didn't.
[ Slow music plays ] ♪♪ ♪ I've been a roaming Romeo ♪ ♪ My Juliets have been many ♪ ♪ But now my roamin' days have gone ♪ ♪ Too many irons in the fire is worse than not having any ♪ ♪ I've had my share, and from now on ♪ [ English accent ] Cab, miss?
-The riding stables, please.
-Right you are, miss.
[ Normal voice ] ♪ I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ ♪ I'm betting everything I got on you ♪ ♪ I'm giving all my love to one baby ♪ ♪ Heaven help me if my baby don't come through ♪ Hyah!
♪ I got a great big amount saved up ♪ ♪ In my love account, honey ♪ ♪ And I've decided love divided in two won't do ♪ ♪ So I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ ♪ I'm betting everything I got on you ♪ -Oh, driver?
-[ English accent ] Yes, miss?
-Can't it go any faster than this?
-It most certainly can, miss, by virtue of it being a racehorse.
Well, last week I put 20 quid on it and it came in at 5 to 1.
-Oh, you must have won a fortune.
-Oh, not really.
You see, the rest of the field came in at a quarter past 12.
[ Laughter ] Peek-a-boo!
-You!
Stop this cab at once!
-Lord love you, miss.
I'm afraid I don't know how.
-Well, then what are we going to do?
-In dealing with a giddy horse, one must let nature take its course.
[ Horse neighs ] Whoa!
-Thank heavens we're stopping.
-I told you the horse would bring you to the right place.
There you are, miss.
-What is this strange power you have over horses?
-'orse power.
[ Normal voice ] Say, hey, don't I get any thanks?
-Ah.
Buy yourself a new hat.
♪ I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ ♪ I'm betting everything I got on ♪ [ Thunder rumbling ] [ English accent ] Cab, miss?
Cab, miss?
[ Normal voice ] May I rescue you?
-No, thank you.
I prefer to be in distress.
-Charming little spot you have here.
When does the concert start?
-Just as soon as you and the rain stop.
-Oh, now, please.
You wouldn't like to be just a little bit more friendly, would you?
-Why should I?
I don't know you from Adam.
-Now, look.
Most of the women I meet are crazy about me.
They throw flowers at my feet.
They fall at my feet.
They worship my feet.
They don't think much of my face.
But my feet are having a wonderful time.
-Well, I'm obviously not most women.
[ Thunder crashes ] -Aha!
You know what thunder is, don't you?
-Of course.
It's, uh... Something to do with the air.
-Allow me to explain.
[ Clearing throat ] When a clumsy cloud from here meets a stormy cloud from there, he scurries towards her.
She billows away, but he scuds right back up next to her.
She glowers a little.
He whimpers a lot.
Oh, and there you have your shower.
She comforts him.
They spark.
That's the lightning.
They kiss.
Thunder.
[ Thunder crashes ] [ Laughs ] ♪ The weather is frightening ♪ ♪ The thunder and lightning seem to be having their way ♪ ♪ But as far as I'm concerned, it's a lovely day ♪ ♪ The turn in the weather will keep us together ♪ ♪ So I can honestly say that as far as I'm concerned ♪ ♪ It's a lovely day ♪ ♪ And everything's okay ♪ ♪ Isn't this a lovely day to be caught in the rain?
♪ ♪ You were going on your way ♪ ♪ Now you've got to remain ♪ ♪ Just as you were going, leaving me all at sea ♪ ♪ The clouds broke, they broke ♪ ♪ And oh, what a break for me ♪ ♪ I can see the sun up high ♪ ♪ Though we're caught in a storm ♪ ♪ Mmm ♪ ♪ I can see where you and I could be cozy and warm ♪ ♪ Let the rain pitter patter ♪ ♪ But it really doesn't matter if the skies are gray ♪ ♪ As long as I can be with you ♪ ♪ It's a lovely day ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ Isn't this a lovely day to be caught in the rain?
♪ -♪ You were going on your way ♪ -♪ I've got to remain ♪ -♪ Just as you are going ♪ -♪ As I was leaving ♪ -♪ Leaving me all at sea ♪ -♪ The clouds broke, they broke ♪ ♪ And oh, what a break for me ♪ ♪ I can see the sun up high ♪ -♪ Though we're caught in a storm ♪ -♪ But for sure by and by ♪ ♪ I can see where you and I could be cozy and warm ♪ -♪ Cozy and warm ♪ ♪ Let the rain pitter patter ♪ ♪ But it really doesn't matter if the skies are gray ♪ ♪ As long as I can be with you ♪ ♪ It's a lovely day ♪ [ Thunder crashes ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Singing in Italian ] Oh-oh-oh!
"From your afflicted admirer."
Dale, who is sending you this horseshoe?
-Oh, I think it's sweet.
Alberto, I've seen him.
I've talked to him.
I've danced with him.
-Him?
Who is this him?
-Who?
Oh, his name is, um... Uh... Adam.
-Well, you forget this Adam.
You have promised to go with me to Venezia.
Your friend Madge Hardwick is awaiting you.
And there, there you will dazzle the eye in clothes designed by Alberto Beddini.
-Alberto, I hope you don't mind, but I'm not going to Venice.
-What did you say?
Now you listen to me.
We made an arrangement.
Beddini designs the clothes you wear amongst your friends.
These crazy rich people, so that they ask, "Who is so smart as to make these smart clothes?"
And you say, "Who?
Who is so smart?"
Beddini.
Forget this Adam.
Beddini demands it.
-Oh, Beddini does, does he?
-Si.
-Alberto!
Up until the present, our arrangement has been purely a business one.
I model the clothes.
You pay the bills.
So let's keep my personal affairs out of it, shall we?
-Uh, no, no, no, no, no, Dale, I'm sorry.
I did not mean to interfere.
Oh, go ahead, fall in love with this Adam.
Marry him.
But as Mrs.
Adam, what would you wear?
-Fig leaves.
-Telegram, sir.
-Ah.
-Thank you, sir.
-Prego.
Ah, Dale, it's for you.
-Oh.
Uh, well, read it to me, please.
-"Come ahead.
Stop.
Can't wait to see you.
Stop.
And that strutting peacock.
Stop!
And my husband, Horace, stopping at your hotel.
Stop.
Why not travel together?
Stop.
When do you start?
Stop.
I must go.
Stop."
I cannot understand.
Who wrote this?
-Stop!
It's from Madge.
Madge Hardwick.
-Ah.
I saw her husband, Horace, stopping at this hotel, no?
-Yes, apparently.
I wonder what kind of man she married this time.
-This time?
-Oh, yes.
Her first husband was my second cousin.
Terribly rich, also terribly dreary.
But Madge and I got along like a house on fire.
-Who is burning down these houses?
-Well, no, Alberto, I just mean we got along well together.
-Ah.
-We liked each other.
-Well, this Mr.
Madge number two is sure to have influenza.
We should say hello to him before we leave for Venezia.
-I told you, Alberto, I'm not leaving.
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
You must come to the Lido.
The season is at its height.
Dale, you cannot do this to me.
All my life I have promised my dresses I would take them to Venezia, and you must be in them.
-Sorry, Alberto, but I'm unpacking.
Oh!
-Never again will I allow women to wear my dresses.
-[ Laughs ] ♪♪ [ Chuckles ] ♪ I can see where you and I ♪ ♪ Could be cozy and warm ♪ ♪ Let the rain pitter patter ♪ ♪ But it really doesn't matter if the skies are gray ♪ ♪ As long as I can be with you ♪ ♪ It's a lovely day ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I could dance nightly ♪ ♪ Just holding you tightly, my sweet ♪ ♪ I could keep right on ♪ ♪ Because you're so light on your feet ♪ ♪ You're easy to dance with ♪ ♪ There is no doubt in the way ♪ ♪ We stand out in the crowd ♪ ♪ Though it's called dancing ♪ ♪ To me it's romancing out loud ♪ ♪ You're easy to dance with ♪ ♪ Loving you the way I do makes you easy to dance with ♪ ♪ That is why I'm always right on the beat ♪ ♪ All those charms in one girl's arms ♪ ♪ Make you easy to dance with ♪ ♪ I can hardly keep my mind on my feet ♪ [ Laughing ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ You're easy to dance with ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ You're easy to dance with ♪ -♪ Let's dance forever ♪ ♪ Come on, say we'll never be through ♪ ♪ It's so easy to dance.
♪ So easy to dance ♪ ♪♪ -♪ With you ♪ -♪ Do do do do do do do do ♪ ♪♪ [ Applause ] -See you later!
♪♪ ♪♪ -There's a telegram for you, Mr.
Hardwick, from Italy.
Shall I have it sent up to your room?
No?
Well, if you're sure, sir.
-Oh.
Excuse me.
-Good afternoon, Miss Tremont.
-Good afternoon.
Here is the key for room 304.
Oh, and by the way, there has been a delightful change of plan.
I'm not leaving.
-I'm so glad, Miss Tremont.
I'll let housekeeping know.
-Thank you.
Oh, may I ask if there's a Mr.
Hardwick staying at this hotel?
He's the husband of a friend of mine.
-Yes.
Mr.
Hardwick has room 404.
It's the one directly above yours.
-Uh [chuckles] above mine?
Are you sure?
-Yes.
I've just this minute been talking to him on the phone.
He's coming down to collect a telegram.
-I expect that'll be Mr.
Hardwick right now.
-Oh.
Thank you.
-Ah, good afternoon, sir.
-Telegram for room 404 for Mr.
Horace Hardwick.
-Very good, sir.
-Thank you.
[ Gasps ] Cab, miss?
-when a clumsy cloud meets a stormy cloud!
-They spark.
That's the lightning.
♪ I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ ♪ I'm betting everything I got on you ♪ -How could he have pursued me like that?
Kissed me in the park when he was married.
All the time.
And to Madge, of all people.
-So this snake in the grass, this Adam already has been nibbling the apple, yes?
-Well, yes.
-I will kill him for you.
-No, Alberto!
So sorry.
[ Chuckles ] No, Alberto.
Look, I've changed my mind.
I'm going home.
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
You cannot go back to America.
We must go to Venezia.
-But I can't face his wife.
-And why not?
Women are facing wives every day.
And after all, you cannot avoid seeing Madge sometime, can you?
-I guess not.
Well, maybe you're right.
Alberto, order a cab immediately.
The sooner we leave for Venice, the better.
-Si, si.
-You mean to tell me she slapped your face in front of all those people for nothing?
-Well, what would you have done?
Sold tickets?
-Oh, Jerry.
One breath of scandal will ruin our show.
No, no, no, no, no.
We've got to be careful.
That woman is not to be trusted.
-Nonsense, Horace.
What could she possibly want from me?
-Well, money, of course.
Publicity, anything to create a scandal.
Are you certain you didn't forget yourself in the park?
-Absolutely.
If I ever forgot myself with that lady, I'd remember.
-Might I have a word, sir?
-Oh, dear.
Yes.
Yes.
Of course.
Just a moment.
Thank you.
Better make yourself scarce, Jerry.
If they ever suspect you're involved in this fiasco, it'll be in every newspaper within the hour.
I'll catch you back here in five minutes.
Yes, yes, of course.
Of course.
-Now, we're here in your interest, sir, and to protect the hotel.
We wish to avoid any scandal.
-Scandal?
-Yes.
In connection with a certain slap in the face.
The young lady refuses to divulge why she slapped you.
-Oh, no, no, no.
It wasn't my face she slapped.
-Who did she slap?
-Oh.
Uh... Well, actually, it was he.
My valet.
-Us, sir?
-Yes.
Of course.
Don't argue.
How did it happen?
-Possibly we have been a little imprudent, sir.
-Well, there you are.
You see?
We -- We -- We had been a little imprudent.
-But I thought you said it wasn't you.
-Oh, no.
No, no, not Mr.
Hardwick.
We take all the blame ourselves.
-And there we are.
There you are.
Well, there we all are.
[ Laughs ] You see, it was just a mistake.
Well, I'll take him to task personally.
Bates.
You're a fish-faced nincompoop.
-Thank you, sir.
-Very good.
Was there anything else?
-No, sir.
-No.
Right.
Good.
Good.
-Good day, sir.
-Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Oh.
Thank you, Bates.
[ Laughs ] You are an invaluable assistant.
-Your scarf, sir.
It's really not advisable to leave the hotel without it.
You'll catch a terrible chill, sir.
-Oh, Bates, this is quite like old times, isn't it, eh?
You helping me with my personal effects, I mean.
-"They also serve who only stand and wait."
-Shakespeare?
-I wouldn't know, sir.
I am but a fish-faced nincompoop.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, Bates.
Bates.
There's a crisis afoot, and I need your help.
Mr.
Travers is in trouble.
The worst type of trouble.
-Female-type trouble, sir?
-Precisely.
If this develops into a thumping great scandal, our investors will run a mile.
-I see, sir, as great Uncle Hamish always used to say, [Scottish accent] "He who sups with the devil requireth a long spoon."
-Ah!
Quite, quite.
What?
Now, look, Bates, there's a young lady in the room directly below ours.
-[ Normal voice ] We've seen her, sir.
-Well, I want you to find out all you can about her.
Follow her wherever she goes.
Never take her out of your sight.
Whither she goes... -Thither I, sir.
Right you are, sir, wither or thither.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Uh, excuse me.
What are you doing with those flowers?
-Throwing them out, sir.
-But they belong to the lady in room 304.
-Miss Dale Tremont?
Not anymore, sir.
She's gone, sir.
-Gone?
-Yes.
Left in an awful hurry.
-Well, do you know where?
-No, sir.
Might I get on with my work, sir?
Got to get these flowers out with the rubbish.
-No, that's alright.
Go right ahead.
-Thank you, sir.
-Dale Tremont.
-Jerry, we've got to be at the theater in 15 minutes.
Oh, and you've got a dance call before the show.
-Horace, I know all the routines backwards.
-Yes, I know, old boy, but for the sake of my nerves, you need to rehearse them forwards.
Come on.
[ Laughter ] [ Up-tempo music plays ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ Come, get together ♪ ♪ Let the dance floor feel your leather ♪ ♪ Step as lightly as a feather ♪ ♪ Let yourself go, doo doo be doo ♪ ♪ Come, hit the timber ♪ ♪ Loosen up and start to limber ♪ ♪ Can't you hear that hot marimba?
♪ ♪ Let yourself go ♪ -♪ Let yourself go ♪ -♪ Let yourself go ♪ -♪ Relax and let yourself go ♪ ♪ Relax, you've got yourself tied up in a knot ♪ ♪ The night is cold, but the music's hot ♪ ♪ Doodle doo, doodle doo, doodle doo, doodle doo ♪ ♪ Doodle doo, doodle doo, doodle doo, doodle doo ♪ ♪ Doodle doo, doodle doo, doodle doo, doodle doo ♪ ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ ♪ So come closer ♪ ♪ Don't you dare to answer "No, sir" ♪ ♪ Butcher, baker, clerk and grocer ♪ ♪ Let yourself go ♪ ♪♪ ♪ So come, cuddle closer ♪ ♪ Don't you dare to answer "No, sir" ♪ ♪ Butcher, baker, clerk and grocer ♪ ♪ Let yourself go ♪ ♪ Let yourself go ♪ ♪ Let yourself go ♪ -Yes.
Dale Tremont, room 304, please.
Are you sure she didn't leave a forwarding address?
No?
Alright.
Thank you.
-Three minutes until the Act 1 finale, Mr.
Travers.
-Women do strange things sometimes, don't they, George?
-I wouldn't know.
Sir.
-Jerry.
Jerry.
The first act is going marvelously.
[ Laughs ] I couldn't sit in my seat a moment longer.
I just had to come and tell you.
Everybody's crazy for the show.
Even the critics are laughing.
-Well, that's the final nail in the coffin, then.
-Oh, and I've got some more good news for you.
-Oh, did you find out where she's gone?
-She?
Who?
-The girl.
-No.
No.
No, Jerry, please, no.
The entire Thackeray Club are watching from the stalls.
-[ Gasps ] You don't suppose my dancing has disturbed them?
-I don't think so.
-Horace!
-Oh, Jerry, don't be absurd.
-Two minutes, Mr.
Travers.
-Alright.
Thanks, George.
I'll be there.
-You know, it's too bad Madge is in Venice.
The biggest night of my life and she's not here to see it.
Oh, my word, I never read her telegram.
-What does she say?
-Uh... [ Laughs ] All kinds of good wishes for a great success.
Oh, she's sorry you can't fly down to Italy to meet her little friend, who she says was apparently staying at our hotel in London.
She's invited her to stay at the Lido for a couple of days.
Her name is Tremont.
-Tremont?
-Yes.
-Now, wait a minute.
Let me see that.
It is her.
It's Dale.
Horace, hire a plane.
We leave for Italy right after the show.
-One minute, Mr.
Travers.
-No, but Monday night's a sellout.
-How long does it take to fly there?
-Seven miserable hours.
-Listen, charter a plane!
We can fly back Monday morning.
-I can't do that.
-If you want this show to run two nights, you'll get me a plane right now.
-Oh, for goodness sake.
What kind of plane?
-One with wings!
-Oh, Jerry!
♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ I just got an invitation through the mail ♪ ♪ Your presence requested this evening is formal ♪ ♪ A top hat, a white tie and tails ♪ ♪ Nothing now can take the wind out of my sails ♪ ♪ Because I'm invited to step out this evening ♪ ♪ With top hat, a white tie and tails ♪ ♪ Oh, I'm putting on my top hat ♪ ♪ Tying up my white tie, brushing off my tails ♪ ♪ I'm doing up my shirt front ♪ ♪ Putting in my shirt studs, polishing my nails ♪ ♪ I'm stepping out, my dear, to breathe an atmosphere ♪ ♪ That simply reeks with class ♪ ♪ And I trust that you'll excuse my dust when I step on the gas ♪ ♪ For I'll be there putting down my top hat ♪ ♪ Mussing up my white tie, dancing in my tails ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ For I'll be there putting down my top hat ♪ ♪ Mussing up my white tie, dancing in my tails ♪ ♪ Putting down my top hat, dancing in my tails ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Coming up, featuring the classic songs of Irving Berlin, this nonstop comedy of errors finds our misguided stars in Venice.
-Now you two run along and...dance.
-Plenty of high jinks, witty repartee, and romantic misadventures lie ahead.
♪♪ The conclusion of "Top Hat" is next.
-♪ When we're out together, dancing cheek to cheek ♪ -We now return to Irving Berlin's "Top Hat."
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ By the Adriatic waters ♪ ♪ Venetian sons and daughters ♪ ♪ Are strumming a new tune upon their guitars ♪ -♪ Ah-ah, ah-ah ♪ ♪ It was written by a Latin ♪ ♪ A gondolier who sat in his home out in Brooklyn ♪ ♪ And gazed at the stars ♪ -♪ Ah-ah ♪ ♪ He sent his melody across the sea to Italy ♪ ♪ And we know ♪ -♪ They wrote some words to fit that catchy bit ♪ ♪ And christened it the Piccolino ♪ ♪ And we know that it's the reason ♪ ♪ Why everyone this season ♪ ♪ Is strumming and humming a new melody ♪ ♪♪ -♪ Come to the casino ♪ -♪ And hear them play the Piccolino ♪ -♪ Dance with your bambino ♪ ♪ To the strains of the catchy Piccolino ♪ ♪♪ -♪ Hey!
♪ ♪ Hey!
♪ ♪ Hey!
♪ ♪♪ -[ Whooping ] ♪♪ -Alright!
Here we go!
[ Shouting in Italian ] Andiamo!
Come on!
Let's show 'em!
[ All cheering ] ♪♪ -Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
-Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
♪♪ Hey!
Hey!
♪♪ -Alright!
Come on!
-Ohh... -Ohh... -♪ And we know that it's the reason ♪ ♪ Why everyone this season ♪ ♪ Is strumming and humming a new melody ♪ ♪♪ -♪ Come on and drink ♪ -♪ Drink, drink, drink, drink a glass of vino ♪ ♪ And when you've had your plate of scallopino ♪ ♪ Make them play the Piccolino, the catchy Piccolino ♪♪ ♪ And dance to the strains of that new melody ♪ -♪ Ohh-ohh-ohh ♪ -♪ The Piccolino ♪ [ Audience applause ] ♪♪ -Oh, my God!
Everyone looks great!
Everyone!
-Mwah!
Mwah!
[ Chatter ] -Oh.
Grazie, grazie.
Ciao.
♪♪ -Madge!
-Dale!
Dear!
Oh, when did you get down?
-Just now.
-Oh, splendid!
Garcon!
-Si, signora.
-Oh.
Heh.
Per piacere, un altro.
Bloody Mary.
-And something for the pretty signorina?
-She'll have what I'm having.
-Si, signora.
-Well, Dale Tremont!
Just look at you!
Oh.
Everybody is.
Sit down, dear, before there's a stampede.
My, my.
You're more radiant than ever.
What's your secret?
Do tell.
Have you taken a lover?
My suspicions are immediately aroused.
-No, nothing like that.
-Well, maybe it's time you did.
A little Venetian romance.
How does that sound?
-Uh... [Chuckles] Complicated.
-Now, tell me, did my husband manage to look you up?
-Yeah.
-Well, how did he impress you?
Heh.
-Oh, I-I think he's fascinating.
[ Chuckles ] -Fascinating?
You know, every once in a while, the effect that Horace has on people surprises me.
-It sort of surprised me, too.
-Well, I'm glad you liked him!
He'll be arriving later today.
-Today?!
No, no, no!
He can't.
-What's the matter?
Did he flirt with you?
-He chased me in the park!
-Really?
I didn't know Horace was capable of that much activity.
Did he catch you?
-Well, yes!
-Good for Horace!
[ Laughs ] -Madge, you shock me!
-Oh, Horace flirts with every attractive girl he meets.
It doesn't mean anything.
-Well, that's a funny way to take it.
-My dear, when you're as old as I am, you take your men as you find them.
If you can find them.
And, anyway, Horace and I have the secret to making our marriage last.
Twice a week... we go to this little romantic restaurant we both like, have dinner by candlelight, drink pink champagne, and there's music and dancing under the stars.
He goes Tuesday.
I go Thursday.
-Oh, but what shall I say to him?
-Who?
Oh, Horace has probably forgotten all about you.
Signor Corelli, may I introduce Miss Dale Tremont?
-Oh, welcome to the Hotel Venezia, signorina.
-Thank you.
-There is a telephone call for you, signora.
-Oh!
Will you excuse me, Dale?
Hmm... -Hey.
♪♪ -Oh, my goodness.
-Take deep breaths!
Try to relax.
We'll be there in no time.
-Yes.
Yes.
I've always been a very nervous flyer, Jerry.
I'm fine until I get to the airport and I see the sign which says...
"terminal."
-Let's try to stay calm, Horace.
-I'm calm.
I'm calm!
-Well, why don't you focus on something positive for a change?
Like this little romantic getaway with your wife, perhaps?
Huh?
-That's really not helping, Jerry.
-Say, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I show up at the Lido.
-Whose face?
Madge?
Oh, her.
Oh, that Jezebel.
Huh.
Talking of which, Jerry... now, you know I never like to repeat gossip.
-Don't worry, Horace.
I'll listen carefully the first time.
-Well, apparently this Italian chappy has been supplying her with everything!
Money, clothes, flowers.
-No, Horace.
You supplied her with the flowers.
-Me?
I did no such-- Oh, Jerry, don't be absurd.
No, as soon as we land, I'm going to talk to Madge and find out all I can about this Dale Tremont.
-Oh, Dale Tremont.
Ha-ha!
-Now, Jerry, I warn you.
You don't seem to realize what sort of trap you're falling into.
No, no, no.
I know all about these things.
Why, I practically fell into one myself.
-Really?
-Oh, yes.
Her name was Violet.
I met her at Regent's Park.
At the zoo, as a matter of fact.
[ Chuckles ] Such a captivating little creature.
She asked me what I was doing all alone there, and I explained.
I'd always been a bit of an animal lover.
This seemed to pique her interest.
She asked me if I would show her around.
[ Laughs ] Oh, we had such a jolly old time.
Chattering in front of the monkeys.
Laughing in front of the hyenas.
Parading in front of the peacocks.
-What happened when you got to the rabbits?
-We didn't get that far.
-Ohh... -Just as we were leaving the aviary, she fluttered her devilishly long eyelashes and asked me to kiss her.
-Oh.
So what happened next?
-Pot of tea, peck on the cheek, home.
Nothing more.
I swear it, Jerry.
You won't breathe a word of this to Madge.
Oh, yes, yes.
-You mind if I ask you a personal question, Horace?
-Not at all, Jerry.
-You've been married for five years now.
-Yes.
-Tell me.
What's it really like?
-What?
Marriage?
-[ Chuckles ] -Oh, Jerry.
You don't know what it's like to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness.
It means, dear boy... you're in the wrong house.
♪♪ Ohh... ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Gasps ] -Grazie mille, signora.
-You know, Dale, I haven't told you the real reason I asked you down here.
[ Glass shatters ] Ugh... My dear, I feel I've known you long enough to have the right to talk to you this way.
-Mm-hmm.
-In spite of the fact that all men are, well, male, there's no feeling so secure as having a wealthy, pliable husband.
I should know.
-Ohh.
-And you should be thinking about it, too.
In fact, there's a rather intriguing somebody arriving this afternoon!
I'm dying for you to meet him.
-Signora.
The plane has just arrived.
-Oh.
Thank you.
Dale, let's go and surprise them.
-No!
No!
No!
I'd rather not.
if it's alright with you, I think I'll just go and, uh, uh, freshen up.
-Fine, but don't be too long!
-Madge!
-Ohh!
Jerry!
-Hey, hey!
Alright.
-Whoo!
-[ Laughs ] -Have you seen Miss Tremont?
-Well, Dale didn't tell me you'd already met!
-Oh, yes.
We've met, alright.
-Oh, perfect!
I've arranged a small dinner party for the four of us.
-Ooh.
I'm starving.
Let's eat now.
I'll go and find her.
-No, no, no, no, no.
Leave the child alone.
She's a little upset about something.
Now, tell me, Jerry.
How did Dale strike you?
-Huh.
Well, uh, she certainly made an impression.
-Oh, good.
Now tell me about your opening night.
Were you worth the investment?
-Every penny.
With interest.
Well, Horace seemed pleased, at any rate.
-Oh, yeah.
I'd forgotten about him.
Now, darling, before it slips my mind, the hotel is simply bursting.
So, you and Horace, you're gonna have to bunk together tonight.
Dale is with me.
-Signora!
My apologies for the interruption.
You were inquiring about another room?
-Yes.
I need an extra room for my husband and this gentleman.
-Ah.
I'm so sorry.
The only room available is the bridal suite.
-Oh, the bridal suite.
-Oh.
How romantic.
-Oh, well, that'll be fine.
-Seguita mi.
♪♪ [ Chatter ] -Oh, could you-- Uh, c-- Please.
[ Grunting ] ♪♪ Oh, waiter, could you get me a bottle of brandy?
Oh, and kindly inform my wife, Madge Hardwick, that I've arrived.
Thank you.
♪♪ -Signore!
You are Horace Hardwick?
-Thank you.
I am, yes.
How do you do?
-I am very displeased to meet you.
-Really?
Oh, how very kind of you to s-- Sorry.
Sorry.
What do you mean by "displeased"?
-Signore, I warn you.
For a man of your kind, this is not a healthy place.
-But, signore, this is one of the healthiest places in Europe.
Ha!
The air.
The breeze.
[ Inhales deeply ] The flowers.
-The flowers?
[ Gasps ] The horse's shoe!
So!
Afflicted admirer!
With, uh, funny tricks you are being.
I warn you.
I do not like your attitude.
Never let your path criss-a-cross a mine again, or the heart cease!
-Signore.
-[ Exclaims ] Oh, it's you!
Don't frighten me like that, Bates!
-How did you know it was me, sir?
-Of course I knew it was you, you fool.
What's this gobbledygook?
All I can see are a lot of letters and numbers strewn together in some sort of jumbled, haphazard manner.
-It's your report, sir.
In code.
-Oh, that's very clever of you, Bates.
Uh, come on.
Now, go on.
Explain.
-Well, you see, B21... -Ah.
What's B21?
-Well, that's us, sir.
-Oh.
[ Laughs ] Now, tell me.
What has...B21 discovered?
-Absolutely nothing, sir.
But as Cousin Fionnuola always used to say... [Irish accent] ..."Ah, sure.
The darkest place is always under the candlestick!"
♪♪ -[ Muttering ] [ Groans ] ♪♪ -Bonjourno, Signore Hardwick.
-How do you do, signorina?
[ Gasps and chuckles ] Madge, darling!
[ Laughs ] -My, my.
Your passion frightens me.
-Now, Madge, listen, I'm down here investigating something.
And Jerry thinks-- No.
No.
Perhaps I ought to tell it anonymously.
-You know, Horace, it sounds as if you're about to confess to something.
-Oh!
Does it?
-You really want to tell me about Dale Tremont, don't you?
-Yes!
-Uh-huh.
-But, then again, no.
As a matter of fact, I haven't even met her.
-You haven't even met her?
Well, if that's your story, Horace, you better stick to it.
I don't suppose you were in the park, either?
-No, my dear girl.
It happened at the zoo.
What?!
How did you know I was there?!
-Oh, I have my spies.
Talking of which, what on Earth is Bates doing disguised as a waiter?
-I-I'll explain later.
Look, after the trip, I really ought to get cleaned up a bit.
-Darling, you couldn't let me have a little something, could you?
-Oh, yes, of course.
-I've nothing left to, uh, tip the waiters.
-Here we are, darling.
You can have that.
No, n-- Keep it safe, Madge, darling.
Remember.
A fool and his money are soon parted.
-Indeed.
-Oh-oh!
♪♪ Oh.
Thank you.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, Madge, I... Happy anniversary, darling.
♪♪ ♪♪ -You seem so terribly calm about the whole thing.
If it were me, I'd be spitting!
Well, tell me about it, Madge.
What's he like?
Would you say Horace is kind?
-Yes.
-Romantic?
-No.
-Difficult to please?
-I don't know, dear.
I've never tried.
-And what did he say when you mentioned me?
-Oh, he just lied in a straightforward manner and said he'd never met you.
-He did, did he?
-I told you he'd forget all about you.
-Well!
I'll make him remember me in a manner he'll never forget.
The bridal suite, please.
Madge, would you have any objection if I were to scare your husband so he'll never so much as look at another woman?
-No husband is ever too scared to look.
-Hello?
It's Dale.
Ohh!
So you do remember me.
He remembers me, alright.
Are you...alone?
-[ Laughs ] -Fine!
I'll be right along.
-Well, I hope you know what you're doing, Dale.
Remember.
It's me who's gonna have to pick up the pieces!
-Oh, I'm just planning on giving him a little taste of his own medicine.
That's all.
-[ Laughs ] Alright!
♪♪ ♪♪ -Horace, she's coming here.
-What?
No!
She can't do a thing like that!
It isn't proper.
-She wants to see me.
Alone.
-Ah!
What did I tell you?
It's a trap!
Now, listen.
I don't think it's safe for you to see that girl on your own.
-Well, I'm not introducing her to you.
She won't be able to resist.
-[ Bell rings ] -Come in.
-No, no, no.
Hide.
-What-- -Come in!
-[ Stammering ] ♪♪ -I know you must think this a little unconventional of me, but I just couldn't wait to see you...alone.
-The feeling's mutual.
-But we haven't much time!
We must leave Venice tonight.
Why, we could be halfway across Europe before my husband even notices I'm gone.
-Your husband?
-Oh, the truth is, darling, I just don't love Teddy anymore.
He used to be such a sweetheart, but lately, he's been so preoccupied with those silly... boxing championships he's so awfully keen.
-Boxing championships?!
Now, where did you say he is at the moment, this, uh, prize fighter of yours?
-Oh, why, he's here in Venice, of course.
You know, he gets insanely jealous if I so much as glance at another man.
-He does, does he?
-Oh, darling.
Let's not let a little thing like marriage get in the way of our feelings.
I love you.
You love me.
That's all that matters now.
♪ I'm not a Caruso ♪ ♪ I haven't the voice ♪ ♪ But sit and indulge me ♪ ♪ You don't have a choice ♪ ♪ For I've a song to sing ♪ ♪ And I long to sing it for you ♪ -Now, wait a minute.
I-- -♪ It isn't a ballad with plenty of heart ♪ ♪ It hasn't the rhythm that's clever and smart ♪ ♪ Just a tune with words that rhyme ♪ ♪ That I wrote to say ♪ ♪ That I'm wild about you ♪ ♪ The child about you ♪ ♪ Makes me wild about you ♪ ♪ If I were a leopard in Borneo ♪ ♪ I couldn't be wilder about you ♪ ♪ Mad about you ♪ ♪ The bad about you ♪ ♪ Makes me mad about you ♪ ♪ If I were the Hatter in Wonderland ♪ ♪ I couldn't be madder about you ♪ ♪ That's my story ♪ ♪ And I'll stick to it, dear ♪ ♪ In case you didn't listen ♪ ♪ In case you didn't hear ♪ ♪ Wild about you ♪ ♪ The child about you ♪ ♪ Makes me wild about you ♪ ♪ If I were a tiger in Africa ♪ ♪ I couldn't be wilder about you ♪ Ahh!
Aah!
-Jerry, this has got to stop!
-Sit down!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ That's my story ♪ ♪ And I'll stick to it, dear ♪ -Ohh!
-♪ In case you didn't listen ♪ ♪ In case you didn't hear ♪ ♪Wild ♪ ♪ Wild about you ♪ ♪ If I were a leopard in Borneo ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Or even a tiger in Africa ♪ ♪ I couldn't be wilder ♪ ♪ About you ♪ [ Audience applause ] Ohh!
We'll go to Paris!
Oh, I can just picture it!
Montmarte in the fall.
The Hotel Madeleine.
Ooh!
And pink champagne!
I think.
Why, if we leave before nightfall, Tommy... Terry...Teddy... won't know anything about it.
[ Chuckles ] -Ohh!
Of course.
And once we're together, it'll be almost as if your husband never even existed.
-[ Gasps ] -I can't wait to get you to that little hotel in Paris, to sit with you when the moonlight, my arm wrapped around you like this.
your face turned towards me like this, and the two of us sharing a lover's kiss.
Comme ca.
-Yeah, I think I'd better be going.
-No, Dale.
The time has come for us to face the music together.
Promise me, darling, that now that I've found you again, we can start a new life for ourselves together in Paris!
-[ Screams ] -Jerry!
-Oh.
Oh.
-[ Chuckles ] Okay.
There!
You see?!
I was right!
Huh!
I told you she was trying to entrap you!
Now, what are you going to do about it?
-Oh, marry her.
-Jerry, for goodness' sake.
I-I simply don't understand this reckless obsession.
-Horace, I've never met anyone like her before.
She's fearless.
She's faultless.
-She's shameless.
Now, Jerry, promise me you won't involve yourself with this-- this Dale Tremont until I find out more about her from Madge.
-Alright, you go and find out about her past, and I'll start planning her future.
-Remember.
That's a promise.
-Alright.
It's a promise.
-Good!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Escusi.
[ Clears throat ] Un tavolo per uno, per piacere.
-Si.
-And, er-- Oh God.
Allegro ma non troppo... Cosi fan tutte... and a large Campari and soda, per favore.
Si, signora.
Signorina.
-Ohh!
Avanti!
♪♪ [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -Dale!
-[ Chuckles ] -Why, dear, that dress is simply astonishing!
The rest of us are entirely eclipsed.
I should go and take poison immediately.
Well, tell me what happened.
Did you scare him?
-No.
He scared me.
-Oh, sometimes I look at him first thing in the morning, and he scares me, too.
-You don't seem to understand, Madge.
I don't think Horace is nearly as innocent as you think.
-Darling, you interest me.
You know, I wonder if you've noticed something in Horace that I've never seen.
Like a backbone.
-Good evening.
Miss Tremont, isn't it?
Now, where was it we last met?
London?
Paris?
-Borneo!
-Well, I'm furious with both of you!
You've robbed me of the pleasure of introducing you to each other.
-Oh, yes, we've already met.
-Well, I hope you get to see a lot more of each other.
-Madge!
-You know, Madge is the most understanding person.
She seems to know instinctively the kind of woman that interests me.
Oh, I don't know what I'd do without her.
-Oh, darling!
That's sweet of you!
Now, you two run along and...dance.
And don't give me another thought.
Oh, yeah.
[ Chuckles ] -Madge!
-Go on.
Get him.
Get him.
Go on.
♪♪ -[ Stammers ] I think Madge is an extraordinary person.
-Yes, I have tremendous admiration for her myself.
[ Chuckles ] -Well, if she doesn't seem to care, I certainly don't.
-Oh, neither do I. All I know is that it's... ♪ Heaven ♪ ♪ I'm in heaven ♪ ♪ And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak ♪ ♪ And I seem to find the happiness I seek ♪ ♪ When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek ♪ -♪ Heaven ♪ ♪ I'm in heaven ♪ -♪ And the cares that hung around me through the week ♪ ♪ Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak ♪ ♪ When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek ♪ ♪ Oh, I'd love to climb a mountain ♪ ♪ And to reach the highest peak ♪ ♪ But it doesn't thrill me half as much ♪ ♪ As dancing cheek to cheek ♪ ♪ Oh, I'd love to go out fishin' in a river or a creek ♪ ♪ But I don't enjoy it half as much ♪ ♪ As dancing cheek to cheek ♪ -♪ Dance with me ♪ -♪ I want my arm about you ♪ ♪ The charm about you ♪ ♪ Will carry me through ♪ ♪ To heaven ♪ ♪ I'm in heaven ♪ ♪ And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak ♪ ♪ And I seem to find the happiness I seek ♪ ♪ When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Audience applause ] ♪♪ -Dale, I think you're sensational.
And I'm crazy about you!
Oh, come on, now.
Why can't you tell me what this is all about?
One moment, we're dancing on air, and the next... Well, let's just say I don't exactly know where I stand.
-No!
Look.
I can't do this!
Not now that I know who you are.
-What difference does that make?!
Look, Dale, if it weren't for a promise that I made in a moment of weakness... -Oh.
So you made a promise.
Well, that shouldn't make much difference to you.
-You're right.
It doesn't.
Marry me.
-How could I fall in love with someone as heartless as you?!
-She loves me!
-Please tell my elusive husband that I've been looking for him.
-Si, signora.
-Oh, Jerry!
-[ Sobbing ] -Dale.
What on Earth's the matter?
-I'm leaving, Madge.
-Why?!
-You don't know what a mess we've got into.
-[ Gasps ] -He wants to divorce you and marry me!
-Who?
Horace?!
I see.
Heh.
Well, as you know, I came out handsomely in the divorce settlement from my first husband.
I got custody of his money.
Now, listen to me, Dale.
I don't want you to go.
That won't solve anything.
-But I can't stay here in these circumstances.
-Here or there, as long as you remain unmarried, you are fair game for any philandering male.
Seriously.
I mean it.
-Never mind about little unmarried me.
What are we going to do about your husband?
-Leave him to me.
I'm gonna see he gets an anniversary present he'll never forget.
Now go and get me another drink.
There's a dear.
I'll be right along.
♪♪ Horace!
Coo-ee!
♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Groaning ] You know... Madge and I started arguing on our wedding day.
When I said, "I do," she replied, "Oh, no, you don't."
And just now, all I said was, "Darling."
And she punched me!
Tell me honestly, Jerry.
How do I look?
-Like Boris Karloff.
-Oh!
That's terrible!
I can't go around like this!
-Uh, put a piece of raw steak on it.
That'll take the swelling down.
-It would?
A steak?
-Sure.
-Bates!
-Yes, sir.
-I need a steak.
And quickly.
-A steak.
Very good, sir.
-I just don't understand what's got into Madge recently.
She's never hit me before.
-Though she must have been tempted, huh?
Look.
Madge has merely heard something about this Violet girl.
Why not be a man about it and set the record straight?
-Head and heart.
I'm with you all the way, Jerry!
My legs, however, are heading in the opposite direction.
-Now, Horace, the truth has never hurt anybody.
-Oh, Jerry.
You're right.
-And if it does, I'll take you to the hospital myself.
-[ Chuckles ] Thank you.
Yes.
-Room service.
-My, that was brisk.
Thank you.
You can put it here.
-See you later, Horace.
-Yes, yes, yes.
-Grazie, signore.
-[ Groans ] -Good, good.
Mashed potato, carrots, spinach, and coffee.
Where do you want it, sir?
-Where do I want what, Bates?
-The steak, sir.
-On my eye.
-On your eye, sir?
-My word.
-Why do I always have to say things twice?!
On my eye means on my eye, doesn't it?
-Beg pardon, sir.
"Kind words butter no parsnips."
Great Aunt Elvira, sir.
-I don't give a fig about your Great-Aunt Elvira, Bates.
Honestly.
I'm surrounded by lunatics.
First, there's Madge, then the Italian maniac, and now you!
My word.
If anything else goes wrong, I swear I shall scream!
[ Screaming ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ For every rose that withers and dies ♪ ♪ Another blooms in its stead ♪ ♪ A new love waits to open its eyes ♪ ♪ After the old love is dead ♪ ♪ That sounds alright ♪ ♪ In a careless rhyme ♪ ♪ But there's seldom ♪ ♪ A second time ♪ ♪ Better luck next time ♪ ♪ That could never be ♪ ♪ Because there won't ever be a next time for me ♪ ♪ Not for me ♪ ♪ Made up my mind ♪ ♪ To make another start ♪ ♪ I've made my mind up ♪ ♪ But I can't make up my heart ♪ ♪ I'd like a new lucky day ♪ ♪ That would be nice ♪ ♪ But this comes just ♪ ♪ Once in a lifetime ♪ ♪ Not twice ♪ ♪ So don't say ♪ ♪ "Better luck next time" ♪ ♪ That could never be ♪ ♪ Because there won't ever be a next time ♪ ♪ For me ♪ ♪♪ -[ Gasps ] Carissima!
We are a grand success!
Every woman in Venezia is saying this dress is wonderful!
This Beddini is the top!
[ Laughs ] I'm so happy!
But, cara mia, it is not the dress.
It is not Beddini.
But it is you who wears it.
-Thank you, Alberto.
-Ohh.
Che hai?
What is it?
Uh, this Adam again.
This gardener of Eden.
He make you sad?
-I'm just mixed up.
That's all.
-Poverina!
Beddini does not like to see you like this.
-Oh, Alberto.
You seem to be the only one left I can turn to.
The only one I can rely on.
Yes.
Yes.
Why not?
-Uh, why not what?
-Marry me!
Then this Adam will finally leave me alone!
-[ Speaks Italian ] Angela mia!
-But let's do it right away!
Uh, here in the hotel tonight.
-I will look for a priest who will join us in holy matrimony!
You make Beddini a very happy man!
-♪ I'd like a new lucky day ♪ ♪ That would be nice ♪ ♪ But this comes just once in a lifetime ♪ ♪ Not twice ♪ ♪ So don't say ♪ ♪ "Better luck next time" ♪ ♪ That could never be ♪ ♪ Because ♪ ♪ There won't ever be ♪ ♪ A next time ♪ ♪ For ♪ ♪ Me ♪ ♪ Me ♪ [ Audience applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -No, no.
Jerry, no, no.
No.
-Be a man.
-Ahem!
-Horace!
What is this?
Halloween?
-Now, Madge, Horace has a little confession to make.
-Well, I've been waiting for this for some time.
Come right in and get it off your chest.
-Uh, you better take your glasses off.
-Uh, yes, yes.
-Sit.
-[ Gasps ] -Right.
Right.
Yes.
Yes.
-Well?
-Well, uh-- Well, Madge, you must have had an inkling, or-- -Or you wouldn't be telling me now.
-Never.
No.
Certainly I would.
-What Horace means to say is that he'd like to make a clean breast of the whole thing.
-Before I find out the truth.
-Exactly!
No.
Look, Madge!
What I'm trying to tell-- -[ Telephone rings ] -[ Sighs ] Yes?
Yes, I made that booking.
Oh!
Oh, I see!
It's the hotel manager!
He wants to know if you'd mind giving up the bridal suite.
One of the guests is getting married.
-Give it up?
Huh!
Why, we haven't even settled in yet, have we, angel?
-No, dear.
J-Jerry, please!
Yes, of course, they may have it.
-Yes, that'll be fine.
You'll have everything moved?
Perfect.
Now, where were we?
-Finding out the truth.
-Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We were finding out the truth.
And did we find it?
-Well, Madge, look, all I'm trying to tell you-- -[ Telephone rings ] -Ohh!
-Yes?
Oh, it's you, dear!
Well, where are you calling from?
The lobby?
I'm sorry, dear.
I can't hear you too well!
You got what?
It sounded as if you said you got married!
[ Chuckles ] Oh, I see.
Well, let me congratulate you on your...speedy work.
Who on Earth did you find to marry you so quickly?
Alberto?!
You better hang up, Dale dear!
I think I'm gonna faint!
-What was that?!
Dale Tremont?
Married?!
-To that dressmaker.
-Good!
-Good?!
What did you have to do with this?
-It's all his fault.
-My fault?!
-She told me how you chased her in the park and then she slapped your face!
-What?!
-No, no.
I'm the one she slapped.
-What?
-Oh, no.
She's been confusing me with Horace the whole time!
-No wonder she found him fascinating.
[ Madge and Jerry laugh ] -I resent that!
You know, Madge, I often wonder if you only married me because my father left me a fortune.
-Oh, don't be absurd, Horace.
I'd have married you no matter who left you the money.
-Madge, where is she now?
-On her way to the bridal suite.
-The bridal suite?
I'll see you both later.
-No, no!
Hold on, Jerry.
You can't do a thing like that.
It isn't fair.
-All's fair in love and war!
And this is revolution!
-Huh.
-Ready to confess?
-Jerry!
♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Muttering ] ♪♪ -♪ In a magazine I read ♪ ♪ Where a certain author said ♪ ♪ That Latins are lousy lovers ♪ ♪ Well, it's a lie ♪ ♪ A libelous lie ♪ ♪ And who, tell me, who ♪ ♪ Should know better ♪ ♪ Than I?
♪ ♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh ♪ ♪ Latins ♪ ♪ They don't play baseball ♪ ♪ They're not so good with a rake or a plow ♪ ♪ Ooh!
♪ ♪ They're not experts at making money ♪ ♪ But when it comes to making love ♪ ♪ A Latin knows how ♪ ♪ Latins ♪ ♪ They don't like farming ♪ ♪ You seldom see Latins milking a cow ♪ La mucca!
♪ In the daytime ♪ ♪ They're always sleeping ♪ ♪ But with guitars beneath the stars ♪ ♪ A Latin knows how ♪ ♪ Englishmen and Yankees ♪ ♪ They've got quite a lot ♪ ♪ But that extra something ♪ ♪ They just haven't got ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Ouch!
♪ Latins ♪ ♪ They're so romantic ♪ ♪ They've got more oomph ♪ ♪ Than the law will allow ♪ ♪ If you're married to a Latin ♪ ♪ Life is just as smooth as satin ♪ ♪ For a Latin ♪ ♪ I said a Latin ♪ ♪ Only a Latin ♪ ♪ Knows how ♪ Hmm!
[ Audience applause ] ♪♪ -Hi!
-What are you doing here?
-Yeah.
What are you doing here?
-Why, yes.
But this is my room.
-Oh, yes, but this is my room.
-Well, no, but I have the key.
-Well, no, but I have the key.
-A-ha!
But I...am Beddini!
-Wha-ha!
But I... Um, well, you got me there, pal.
-We shall see who is the owner of this room!
-Jerry!
Jerry!
You shouldn't be in here!
It isn't cricket.
-Horace, tell me quickly.
Madge's hotel room.
What number is it?
-Uh, room 416.
Why do you want to know?
-Don't you see?
Room 416.
It's directly above the bridal suite.
-So?
-Hello!
I'm sorry.
Who am I speaking with?
Room service?
Well, I'm looking for Mrs.
Hardwick.
Madge Hardwick.
You must have seen her.
Red hair.
Trim figure.
-Pointy horns.
Forked tail.
-Never mind.
I'm coming right up.
-Jerry, have you gone completely mad?
-Never been saner, my friend.
Now, now, Horace, I need your help.
Just do as I do.
Yeah, yeah!
That's it!
That's it!
Now follow me.
We've got a marriage to save!
-Whose marriage?
-Mine!
Come on!
-Ohh!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Ah, signore!
There is a man in my room!
-[ Gasps ] -[ Gasps ] Oh!
It's you!
Where did he go?
That impostore!
-He is not here, signore.
-If he returns, I will kill him!
Because Beddini has a motto: for the woman, a kiss, for the man, a sword!
Tchh!
-[ Gasps ] -Look at you.
So lovely.
Like a delicate flower I'm afraid to pluck.
-[ Sighs ] [ Thumping ] -Who is it?
-It's Horace dancing in the room above us.
Alberto, make him stop!
-Horace Hardwick, that interloper!
I'll stop him!
For the woman, a kiss, for the man, a sword!
-[ Gasps ] [ Thumping ] -Hello?
Hello.
Yes.
I'd like to report a murder.
When?
In about two minutes?
The room directly above the bridal suite.
Yes.
Please hurry.
-Dale!
-You!
No, but that's impossible!
-I'm sorry to break in like this, but I simply had to see you.
-Will you please stop following me?!
-But you've been mistaken about me.
-I'm afraid I haven't.
-Look, if you won't listen to what I've got to say, then I'll stay right here, and there will be a scene with your crazy Italian husband.
-He's just gone looking for you.
He'll be furious if he finds you here!
-Then please come with me.
I've got to talk to you!
-We have nothing to talk about!
-Dale!
Listen!
I'm not married to Madge!
I'm not married to anyone!
-What?!
-You've been confusing me with Horace the whole time.
-Wha-- So you're not-- -No.
-And you're not married to-- -No.
Well, then who are you?
-Jerry.
Heh.
My name is Jerry.
It always has been.
♪♪ [ Sighs ] Why didn't you tell me who you were?!
-You didn't give me much of a chance.
-No.
I didn't.
Well, looks as if the joke's on me.
-Huh.
Except it's not funny.
-No, but I got myself into this marriage-- -And we're going to find a way out.
Now, come on, hurry up.
Dress quickly.
I'll meet you at the pier.
Oh, and, by the way... ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -H-y-y-y-yah!
-[ Grunts ] Can I help you?
I-I-I think you may have the wrong room.
-You are making the fun of Beddini, yes?
-Yes.
No!
No, no.
Now, look here, mister.
My dear fellow, you have definitely got the wrong man.
-No, but you are Horace Hardwick-uh!
-Yes, of course, I'm Horace Hardwickuh.
Uh, Hardwick.
-Then you are not the wrong man.
Prepare...to... -Die!
Oh, don't mind me.
I'm just here to see the fun.
-Madge, would you kindly inform this maniac he's making a very serious mistake?
-Well, it may be a mistake, but it's not serious.
Go right ahead, Alberto!
-No, no, no, no, no.
I cannot kill him in front of a lady.
-What is happening here?!
-Well, how about killing him in front of this gentleman?
Signor Carelli, you've arrived in perfect time.
There's just a little murder going on.
This is Mr.
Beddini, the murderer.
That abject-looking person is my husband, the murderee.
And I'm just an interested party.
Carry on, Alberto.
-No!
I refuse to do it in front of an audience!
-Dio!
-Well, maybe it's better that you don't kill him.
I may want that pleasure myself.
-Now, look here, Mr.
Bedd-ini-ini-ini-ini... Whatever your name is.
You've got the wrong man!
I never laid a finger on Miss Tremont.
Or Mrs.
Bedd-ini-ini-in-- Or whatever her name is.
In fact, I've never even met her.
This is a clear case of mistaken identity.
-I hate to admit it, Alberto, but for once, there's a grain of truth in what my husband is saying.
Dale was under the illusion that she was being pursued by Mr.
Hardwick here... -Yes.
-...when, in actual fact, the man in question was someone much more captivating.
-Exactly!
What?
-So... he is not the one making the love to my wife?
-No.
-Oh.
I am so sorry!
-Don't mention it.
-I really did not want to kill you.
I think it would have spoiled my wedding night.
-I think it would have spoiled my evening, too.
-You have to forgive me!
-Yes, yes, yes.
-Go right ahead, boys.
Don't mind me.
-Oh!
Calamity!
-Bates, what have you been up to?!
-Excuse us, sir, but Mr.
Travers and Miss Tremont are drifting out to the bay in a gondola.
-What do you mean, drifting, Bates?
-Well, sir, I was keeping an eye on Miss Tremont, as you requested.
-Yes.
-When I saw them heading for the lagoon.
Luckily, I cleverly disguised myself as a gondolier, so I was able to offer them a ride incognito.
Unfortunately, sir, I had a slight accident with a bridge and became temporarily separated from my vessel.
-Good old Jerry.
[ Laughs ] He's kidnapped her.
-Kidnapped her?!
You are in this plot!
You are cahooting with him!
-Just hold on a moment.
I'm not cahooting with anyone!
-Children!
Children!
If Dale and Jerry are drifting out to sea, don't you think the best thing we could do is go out and rescue them?!
Come on!
♪♪ ♪♪ -I'm sorry.
I should never have slapped you...twice.
-You should never have slapped me once.
[ Both chuckle ] Well, signorina... -Signora, actually.
-Hm.
Well, thank you for the boat ride, signora.
It was lucky we got out when we did.
-I should really go and find Alberto.
He'll be wondering where I've got to.
-Mr.
Travers!
Mr.
Travers!
-Bates?!
-They went after you, sir, to look for you, sir.
In a motorboat.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Hardwick and that curious Italian gentleman.
However, they might be gone some time.
We took the precaution of removing the gasoline.
-Oh.
Thank you, Bates.
Thank you.
-Un momento, signore.
May I have a word with you, please?
-Uh, well, certainly, Officer.
♪♪ -Well, since Beddini won't be back for a while, let's have a drink?
Waiter.
-Si, signore?
-Champagne.
No.
[ Chuckles ] Make that pink champagne.
-Ahh.
-Si, signore.
♪♪ -I can't help feeling a little guilty about Alberto.
After all, I am still his wife.
-Look, let's just forget about him.
At least for now.
Let's try and forget about everything.
-But we have so little time.
I wish this moment could last forever.
-♪ There may be trouble ahead ♪ ♪ But while there's moonlight ♪ ♪ And music and love and romance ♪ ♪ Let's face the music and dance ♪ -♪ Before the fiddlers have fled ♪ ♪ Before they ask us to pay the bill ♪ ♪ And while we still have the chance ♪ ♪ Let's face the music and dance ♪ ♪ Soon we'll be without the moon ♪ -♪ Humming a different tune ♪ -♪ And then ♪ -♪ There may be teardrops to shed ♪ -♪ So while there's moonlight ♪ ♪ And music and love and romance ♪ -♪ Let's face the music and dance ♪ ♪ Dance ♪ ♪ Let's face the music and dance ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ Soon be without the moon ♪ ♪ Humming a different tune ♪ ♪ And then ♪ -♪ There may be teardrops to shed ♪ ♪ So while there's moonlight ♪ ♪ And music ♪ -♪ And love and romance ♪ ♪ Let's face the music and dance, dance ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ Let's face the music ♪ ♪ And dance ♪ ♪♪ [ Audience applause ] -You are crazy people, going out in a boat with no gas.
Coming back in a boat full of fish!
And how are we supposed to find them at sea?
It is like looking for a noodle in a haystack!
Now Beddini's angry!
Like a tiger!
-Dale!
Jerry!
There you are!
Thank goodness!
And, now, Jerry, Alberto is as mad as a drunken toreador.
If you take my advice, you get on the first plane back to London, pronto.
-I'm not going anywhere until I've had a little talk with Signor Beddini.
Come on, darling.
It's now or never.
[ Horace groaning ] Madge!
Madge!
This has gone far enough!
First you punch me in the eye.
Then you collude with that insane Italian.
And now you leave me unconscious in a boat full of stinking fish!
What on Earth are you playing at?!
-It's called marriage.
And it takes two.
Just two.
To play that particular game.
Come on, Horace.
You're hiding something, and I want to know what it is!
If it wasn't Dale you were chasing in the park, then who was it?
-I wasn't chasing her in the park!
I met her at the zoo.
-What?
-Alright.
Alright!
Her name was Violet.
Well, she was all alone and a little flustered.
So I took her to see the rabbits-- The peacocks!
-Peacocks.
-Look, Madge.
We spent the afternoon together.
But nothing happened.
-Nothing?
-Well, well, well, apart from a teeny, weeny, little kiss.
And that was nothing to do with me.
She practically threw herself at me!
-Well, either she was very dim-witted or very-shortsighted.
-Madge.
Darling.
You know how I feel about you.
And deep down, I know you feel the same about me.
-Oh, really?
♪ What makes you think I'm crazy about you?
♪ ♪ What makes you think I can't do without you?
♪ ♪ I've looked you over carefully ♪ ♪ And if I never see you again ♪ ♪ It's soon enough for me ♪ -Madge.
Madge!
-♪ I hate the way you comb your hair ♪ ♪ I hate the flashy clothes you wear ♪ ♪ I hate the patent shine on your shoe ♪ ♪ I hate your office, with the door you swing through ♪ ♪ I hate that funny little nose you sing through ♪ ♪ I hate the smell of your cigar ♪ ♪ The way you lean against the bar ♪ ♪ Your conversation flowing like glue ♪ -Ha!
-♪ I hate the way you lie ♪ ♪ Honest, I do ♪ ♪ Outside of that, I love you ♪ ♪ I hate the ground you walk upon ♪ ♪ I hate the phone you talk upon ♪ ♪ I hate most everything that you do ♪ ♪ I hate the table and the cloth you eat on ♪ ♪ I hate the sofa that you rest your seat on ♪ ♪ I hate the rouge upon your lips ♪ ♪ The polish on your fingertips ♪ ♪ I hate your eyes of heavenly blue ♪ ♪ I hate your battle cry ♪ ♪ Honest, I do ♪ ♪ Outside of that, I love you ♪ -They're brown, Horace!
-Are they?
-♪ I hate the cigarette you smoke ♪ ♪ The way you kill a funny joke ♪ ♪ I hate your phony ♪ ♪ "Uh, how do you do?
Very lovely to..." Pbht!
♪ ♪ I hate that funny little mouth you drink with ♪ -♪ That peanut on your shoulders ♪ ♪ That you think with ♪ -♪ I hate the dimple on your chin ♪ -♪ The bath you dunk your body in ♪ ♪ I hate your fingernails that you chew!
♪ -♪ I hate the gowns you buy ♪ ♪ Honest, I do ♪ -♪ Outside of that, I love you ♪ ♪♪ -Oh, Madge.
I was a fool not to tell you.
Please.
Forgive me.
♪♪ -Horace.
♪♪ You know I do.
♪♪ ♪ I hate the notes you write to me ♪ -♪ The verses you recite to me ♪ -♪ I hate the jokes you tell ♪ ♪ That are blue ♪ -[ Laughs ] -♪ I hate the handkerchief you blow your nose in ♪ -♪ I hate the closet that you keep your clothes in ♪ -♪ I hate the flowers you bring to me ♪ -♪ I hate the song you sing to me ♪ I hate the way you bill and you coo ♪ -♪ I hate the way you sigh ♪ ♪ Honest, I do ♪ -♪ Outside of that, I'm delightful ♪ -♪ Outside of that, you're deluded ♪ -♪ Outside of that ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I love you ♪ [ Audience applause ] -Signore!
-[ Grunts ] [ Chuckles ] What is it now?
Gah!
-I, uh, regret to report that your manservant has been arrested and will spend the night in jail unless you can post bail of 3,000 lira.
-Arrested?
What on Earth for?
-For impersonating a gondolier!
[ Laughter ] In Venezia, it's a very serious crime.
-Oh.
Well, yes.
[ Chuckles ] Where is he now?
-He's being held in my office.
-I better get him out, I suppose.
[ Laughs ] -A-ha!
So...the penny has finally come home to roost!
-Mr.
Beddini, I'd like to ask for your wife's hand in marriage.
-Such a question!
Impossibile!
You be careful what you say to me.
You are speaking to the man I love.
-Boys, please let me explain what has happened.
-No, no, no, no, no.
I will not listen to any excuses.
Not even the truth!
-Madge, Jerry, I have a very important announcement to make.
-Oh!
-Now, yesterday, at my personal request, my invaluable manservant, Bates, here... -Allow us to tell them, sir.
-But... Oh.
Very well.
-Well, you see, Miss Dale, Mr.
Hardwick thought you were a dangerous woman.
And yesterday, he asked me to follow you.
-Follow me?!
-Yes, miss.
And in order to go unnoticed, I dreamt up a number of cunning disguises.
A waiter, a gondolier... and an aging, though not unattractive dowager duchess.
-Oh, do get on with it, Bates.
-Very good, sir.
Well, miss, having observed your predicament at close quarters, I soon realized you were in need of some divine intervention, and so I simply turned my collar around like this... and, very cleverly, I became a clergyman.
[ All gasp ] -You are the one who married us!
-Yes, sir, with no license whatsoever to do so.
-So then we've never really been married!
-Precisely.
-Oh, Jerry!
-As Great-Uncle Faruq always used to say... put your trust in God, but tie up the leg of your camel.
♪♪ He was from Egypt, sir.
-Bravo, Bates.
We couldn't be happier.
But tell us.
What was the reason for all of this?
♪♪ -Love, sir.
Never found it myself, but always keen to encourage it in others.
And you two have certainly found it.
And good luck to you, I say.
-Oh, thank you, Bates!
-Oh, thank you, miss.
-Mr.
Beddini, there's only one thing left to say to you.
-And that is?
-Would you do us the great honor of designing a wedding dress for the future Mrs.
Travers?
-[ Gasps ] It would be the honor of my life!
-[ Laughs ] Excuse me.
Did I miss something?
I don't think I heard a proposal.
-No.
You didn't.
-[ Scoffs ] Well?!
-Marry me.
-Hmm.
-Now you say something.
Preferably "yes."
-[ Laughs ] ♪ I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ ♪ I'm betting everything I've got on you ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -♪ I'm giving all my love to one baby ♪ ♪ Heaven help me if my baby don't come through ♪ -♪ I've tried to love more than one ♪ ♪ Finding it just can't be done ♪ -♪ Honey, there's one you lie to ♪ ♪ When you try to be true to two ♪ -♪ So I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ -♪ We're betting everything we've got on you ♪ -♪ I've got a great big amount ♪ ♪ Saved up in my love account, honey ♪ ♪ And I've decided love divided in two won't do ♪ ♪ So I'm putting all my eggs in one basket ♪ ♪ By betting everything I got on you ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I'm betting everything I've got ♪ ♪ On you ♪ [ Audience cheers and applause ] ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause continue ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause continue ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause continue ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause continue ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ For I'll be there ♪ ♪ Putting down my top hat ♪ ♪ Mussin' up my white tie ♪ ♪ Dancing in my tails ♪ ♪ Putting down my top hat ♪ ♪ Dancing in my tails ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Tails ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -To find out more about this and other "Great Performances" programs, visit pbs.org/greatsperformances and follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
[ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause continue ]
